I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
