every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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