Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize