i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
