Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
