Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
