Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
