Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
