Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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