oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
