well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
