I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
