You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize