He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
