I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
