yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ok first of all what the fuck
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
