i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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