u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
a search helicopter?!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
