her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize