would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
