and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
