I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
