I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
