Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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