I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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