Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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