He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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