One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
