so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
