I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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