I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
