I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
