ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
