I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
