I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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