Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
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Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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