I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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