false alarm. still invincible.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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