Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
