Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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