I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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