i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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