This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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