if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
