well I can't set my house on fire every night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
