Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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