she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
