I accidentally burped into my bong.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
