one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
