I'm so fucking centered right now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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