I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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