don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
