I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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