You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
