my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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