the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
