The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
