You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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