I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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