I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
